There’s no other way but to treat Changchun as a porter in the market, then go to the food market, restaurant and equipment repair shop, and even come to the neighbors of the Institute of Optics and Mechanics to look for accents that may meet. Yes, only to fight another doomed battle and finally become the defeated and fleeing person. After more than ten years, I have been more or less ashamed to leave. It’s part of my destiny. At this moment, I wrote a blunt and inadequate farewell poem, but I remembered Robert Boley.
I said to myself, do I want to finally get grief? Go ahead. In autumn, you should be happy, ascetic, solemn and quiet, or spread your wings in the valley of grief.
make a snowman
In the early morning in the jungle of Xing ‘an Mountains, I just woke up from my dream and saw the mountains and rivers covered with heavy snow through Li Xiguang. The people hated things that left the world, not like crying in their mother’s arms, being quiet and intoxicated, not arguing and not saying a word.
Only in the nearby dense forest, the slightest movement is still proving that the vitality has never disappeared. The wind blows over the branches and shakes a lot of snow almost unknown. Finally, a few birds seem to have come out of the tree hole and tried for a while. Finally, they flew to the window sill where I live, pecked a few pieces of broken corn, and then gently pecked at my window glass. The reindeer came quietly in the snow and looked at me in a clear and gentle way. For a moment, it was like an appointment with each other.
This is the third day in a row. It will be on time at dawn every day, and now I can see it.
Speaking of it, I can almost be regarded as a friend. I can’t say when I can write it. I live in an Oroqen village to the west of this deserted resort. It is said that it is because of the ban on hunting in Xing ‘an Mountains in recent years that they have moved here. After spending more than ten days in the resort, I still haven’t been able to write a word, but the heavy snow has not stopped for a day. I am ashamed to go to Oroqen village and the children pile up snowmen together. It is strange to say that every time the children pile up snowmen, they are so tame. Deer will come as they are now, without coming near, standing quietly for a long time at a distance, and the children will not move a step, but their eyes will be scattered with some kind of eager light, just like envy, wanting to come to us and make a snowman with us
Even if I stepped forward and came to it, it was not afraid to touch it in the face of me. It gradually raised its head, and the hot air in its mouth spread in the snow curtain and slightly snorted and collided with my palm like a dragonfly falling on a lotus leaf. I already knew its origin. It was none other than the last reindeer left in the village of Oroqen. The children have long told me that it was a companion before the heavy snow, and its head was more beautiful than it. Unfortunately, just after the snow season, the companion slipped and fell into the ice cave in the river and never woke up.
Although almost all the Oroqen children have expressed their congratulations to me and repeatedly told me how auspicious it is to be favored by reindeer, I still feel a little incredible. I am just a new arrival here, but the reindeer just abandon others and follow me all day.
Yes, I have almost followed it, just like it came early in the morning, stubbornly waiting for me to show up. I didn’t do anything else. I got up and found some food in the house, and then I pushed the wooden door to send it to the snow curtain. In a flash, I have become a snowman. At this time, it has finished eating food and leaned over me bit by bit. I almost understood its meaning and reached out to touch it, but it was warm and slowly born. When it looked at me again, its eyes were full of some kind of euphoria.
Generally speaking, every time it comes to me to kill time, it will be alone and I don’t know where it is. After a while, no matter where I am, it will find me accurately. It has to be repeated several times in a day, but today it is different from the past. It is not easy for it to go back a few steps in my urging, but it stops again. Instead of wanting to go, it calls me to cruise with it. Of course, I won’t go with it. Although I hope, I still have to sit in front of the table and write the doomed method. I decided not to turn it back to the woodcut and vaguely see it
The snow grew heavier and heavier, and it didn’t walk slowly until it was almost out of sight. It even looked back at me step by step.
It wasn’t until the afternoon that I decided to be in a daze. Not only didn’t I write one more word, but I also deleted all the previous words. Otherwise, I went to the village of Oroqen to continue the children’s snowman making. It wasn’t long before we made a brand-new and huge snowman. At this time, I looked at the snow curtain and saw it again. It seemed that I had just looked for it. Of course, I didn’t find it in the snow for a while, but it didn’t turn around and leave me.
I’m not too good at it, so I turned to build the fourth snowman today. Unexpectedly, in three or two minutes, I was worried about it. According to its eyesight, my hands and feet were hanging in the jungle. If I should slip or break the snow glacier, I wouldn’t worry about my life. I didn’t park for a moment and didn’t finish building the snowman, so I rushed to the place where it disappeared
It’s a good thing that I saw it just after I ran outside the dense forest. It actually didn’t enter the dense forest, but ran back and forth behind a sheltered snow slope. God knows what it was busy with. First, I put my head into the snow, and finally I pried off a piece of snow and shook it. I didn’t pry the second piece for a long time. I suddenly found that a piece of snow on the edge of the snow slope seemed to fall, and I almost ran forward to explore it, but it should be broken and spilled all over it. It continued to shake off and the snow accepted the fact in front of me.
Just then, it saw me as if it had met my father. It ran towards me, stumbling and ignoring it, and finally approached me. My eyes were full of grievances or even a little bitterness. It seemed to blame me, but I didn’t know what it was that it was obsessed with. Yeah, I really couldn’t know it. So look at those scattered snow blocks and look at it. I also sighed. After all, you and I are human and animal.
Now that it’s happened, it made up its mind that its mouth bit my trouser leg and then insisted on moving forward, so that I could follow it and signal that it can rest assured that it must bite my trouser leg again. So I will follow it, but it will stop biting, but it still seems that it is still very uneasy to take two steps, and then it will go back quickly, and then it will touch its mouth. When I see that I keep my promise, it will move forward more meekly. At this time, although the snow has stopped, it has already come. Lights shine in the distance, but the snow shines nearby. We will follow this glimmer of light and creak
We walked less than 20 minutes, and finally we reached this destination. It’s not a village surrounded by heavy snow, nor is it a reindeer farm on weekdays. It’s a huge billboard at the entrance of the village. This billboard was specially erected in summer to attract tourists. Except for a few slogans, there are only two caribou portraits left. I knew for a long time that these two caribou were in front of me, but it was a dark night. It actually brought me here. What is the meaning? I must admit that I am really vague, but I know it. I can tell you again that I am a man and a woman.
It happened that at this time, the snowstorm came again, and people’s chill deepened rapidly. It is also urgent for me to talk with it for a while. I can’t tell whether I am anxious or not to give it up. I just tried to stop it with a wry smile, but it suddenly became white. Look at the heavy snow around me, and then I quickly let go of my mouth. Then I lowered my head, just like a child who did something wrong. I really don’t care about it and motioned it to hurry back to his living place. This time, it was like a child who did something wrong and made a small atonement for it.
One night’s talk The next morning, I was just washing, and the door of the woodcut stare blankly was gently knocked and I didn’t look back. I also knew it was it, so I hurried to find a knot for it. When I knocked on the door, I found that it was not it but a child with an arm missing. Of course I knew the child because of the lack of arm. Every time we made a snowman, he always stood aside timidly, but at this moment he was different. He seemed to have accumulated courage all night. He pulled out a photo and told me that it was his father. He wanted to beg me to help him build a snowman like his father.
I must admit that I was in a daze for a long time before I woke up from my dream and even forgot to hold the child in front of me and ran into the snow curtain.
But although it took me almost an afternoon to act, I still feel sorry for the boy’s courage. To be honest, I didn’t pile up a snowman like his father patched it up several times and pulled it over several times, but it didn’t look like it. It just didn’t look like it. The boy seemed to accept it, but he told me again and again that it was like the truth. I also stepped back and watched the boy change. First, he surrounded the snowman several times and finally hugged his leg with his arm.
At this moment, the deity came to my heart as if I had been hit by something suddenly. It was hard to say that I was constantly excited. Yes, I immediately remembered it. I was on the billboard together last night. When it was hit, it was like a trek and finally came to its end. It was more like a secret. After a long decoding, I finally understood what it was like. It was missing its companion. It wanted me to build a snowman, but this snowman didn’t want me to pile it into something else.
Strange to say, if it had happened to me several times at this time in the past, it happened that when I had an epiphany, it was afraid to shout a secret to me, but there was no sign of it everywhere. I looked around several times in the vast snow curtain to rush to find it, but more children roared from the village and ran to me one by one. I quickly asked the children about it. Only then did I finally know that it was cold last night, and it almost fell to the ground, so it was sent to the county town 30 miles away for medical treatment early in the morning.
When I heard that it fell suddenly, my heart was hit inexplicably. I stood there for several days and piled up a snowman. After thinking and thinking, I finally decided not to look for it in the county town for the time being, but to build a snowman here with the children.
It’s like God’s will is broken again. Before I think about it, the tyrannical snow gradually becomes smaller and smaller. I rushed to the billboard last night, took out my mobile phone and pointed at its companion continuous shooting for several photos, and then came back non-stop. Without saying that the children piled up a snowman in the northwest wind together in front of the photos. No, no, it was actually a snow deer. After the afternoon, the wind slowly stopped. If we don’t stop fighting against the wind, we will pile up and sculpt once, and then we will come for the second time. After three or five times of abandonment, our children Occasionally, the argument died down, and finally came a few messy snow deer. The child who was missing an arm was not enough. He ran back to the village and brought some antlers and carefully placed them on his head. Although I was always picky about my skills, I have to admit that it is impossible to build a better snow deer.
I stepped back a few steps, and I looked at the snow deer repeatedly. I couldn’t help but say a few words to him who was seeking medical treatment in the county town. It was a wonderful chance that you and I met, and you and I became each other in an agreement, but only at this moment did this agreement finally become a token.
At this time, the children around me jumped for joy and shouted. I followed the children’s directions and looked forward. An old car was slowly heading for us. This was the one that sent it to the county town in the early morning. My children stood quietly waiting for it. The car was getting closer and closer, so I saw it again. It seemed to have recovered from a serious illness. It stood quietly in the carriage, gentle and clear. After the car stopped, it first saw me, but it was still in the carriage, and it couldn’t help but raise its head slightly, just like letting me. Hurry to touch it again, and then when it first saw the snow deer around me, it was shocked. I was silent for a long time, staring at it as if it were under a spell, but I didn’t move. Look carefully to see the tears in its eyes.
The car door hit it and ran towards its companion, and it approached slowly. The throat choked and breathed heavily, and the hot air diffused in the companion’s face. It just moved a little, and it was afraid that the good times would not last long. It quickly turned its face back and rubbed it against the companion’s face bit by bit, but the companion, after all, was snowed and failed to respond to it. It wanted to think about it, simply spread its feet and ran for two steps, and then looked back at the companion as if calling it to run together, but the companion still didn’t respond. It was unwilling to stroll back slowly and get ready to run for two steps
I can’t help it, except touching it over and over again. I can’t bring it any more. Don’t comfort me. I don’t know how long it will take before it moves towards its companion again. After staring for a long time, it may have accepted the fact and decided to wait for its companion to wake up and be determined to meet the new falling snowflake. It lies quietly beside its companion, waiting for its fate to show itself the key to luck. The situation at that time is like a child lying next to his father, like heavy snow lying next to mountains and rivers, like thousands of creatures lying next to a bodhisattva.
Cherish an old friend
Last night, I dreamed in your dream that you crossed the river by ferry from Wuchang to Hankou, and suddenly it was stormy halfway through the boat trip. In the past, you shyly held the railing and watched the umbrella drift farther and farther, but you didn’t know whether it was good or not. However, you were always shy, but this shyness was not at the end of the short world, but there were too many things in those years that you couldn’t solve, and all kinds of them were unbearable to face. You were always amazed like a child, and some kind of virginity shone like a moon in your surprise, and then you still fell into it. Shy, I was on the boat, and I couldn’t resist going to the front to wake you up. Your virginity and shyness may be two killing swords. On this second thought, I suddenly realized that I was dreaming. If you stare blankly, you won’t know the end.
I woke up in a trance and felt that I was not living in the world you abandoned, but in that dream. Then the iron ferry finally woke up completely and finally made sure that all your ferries came to collage. I remember correctly that the Yangtze River ferry stopped many years before you died.
Of course, this is not the first time I dreamed of you. You are jumping and running on the riverbank. You are telling me the story you are about to write. You are singing Peking Opera. These are all my dreams. Most of them happened in small hotels all over the country. You know, I have lived in almost all the small hotels in these years to make a living. I played jokes on you when you were alive. I was not famous. I was unmarried. Maybe everyone was alone.
Once in a small county in Sichuan, after days of heavy rain, the river outside the city finally overflowed. In the middle of the night, the river burst its banks and rushed all the way to the small hotel next to the bank. This temple was converted into a small hotel. I probably just read your fairy tale before going to sleep, so I dreamed of you again. You shouted at me on a misty mountain top, but I couldn’t hear what you were shouting. I simply flew towards you. When I stopped at the top of the mountain, you suddenly disappeared, and I called your name until I woke up. When the flood river has flooded into my room, I thought as I knocked on the door and ran out, maybe I was just your dream at this moment. Yes, the torrential rain in the hotel was shadowing everything around me. They might all be your dreams. I was just running in your dreams in confusion.
You see, I am much like you who wrote that the duck is running around and still can’t escape from its cage. I have to say that the one you wrote after Andersen is the best fairy tale I have ever read. A duck was put into a restaurant cage and was rescued by a girl at any time. When they lived together, they were dear and sometimes noisy. At the end of the story, the duck companions came to rescue it, but it gave up the wish to be rescued. The girl asked it, don’t you think you lost the chance to live with this girl? You know that living among humans, you will never get the truth. However, the duck answered her, I would
Can’t help being together
This sentence should be engraved on almost everyone’s tombstone. In my opinion, it is a statement of fate. In this life, I talked about your daily necessities and your grievances. I said that I can’t help but be together. Yes, I have been severely separated. I have also returned to Judah. A pair of people who love each other are also a pair of people who love each other. They will eventually be together.
You see how many secrets you have peeped through, but you will never bear any secrets. Living in seclusion all the year round has not created more shadows in your place. On the contrary, some kind of bright gas is like a firm talent, which may produce a weak light but is enough to illuminate your flustered friends.
So many delights are incredibly blooming in your body. You are Yue Dianjie, and so are you. You may not know that your delights are less than mine, which is a real comfort. When I run around mountains and rivers or do odd jobs on the set, I can’t help but think of someone who is Yue. Maybe one day, when I get rid of many delusional dilemmas, I can be as happy as she is by planting flowers and grass and relying on a few fairy tales and Borges.
I can’t remember the year when I received your words from a crew on the Yellow River. It was spring, and a gardenia was in full bloom in your building. Although you couldn’t see the gardenia in the room, you felt its rich fragrance. This moment of experience made you suddenly have a lot of delusions. You suspected that the past was an ancient time, and maybe every word was a smell, like a country, a nation, a mountain and a sea, and so on. I may have to speak in the future, and you have answered questions and told me excitedly that it must be like this.
At that time, when the sun was setting, the water in the West Yellow River was surging with gold, and I just let it go when I was greeted by a group of people yelling, but I still think that people like you live in the same world, even if there are more humiliating days, it will be worth living.
However, you are no longer in this world. Even if you are a bit melodramatic, I must admit that some kind of closed, shining and courageous days are gone forever. When I continued to live in this world, when I was as drunk as a fiddler, my heart was dead. After many times of hanging out, I suddenly remembered you. You sang Peking Opera and told stories. I can’t help but regret hanging out in front of me, but I forgave myself in a minute. Just think of me as a thief’s father. You can’t help being together.
That’s why I often see you passing by, even when you are in a dream, even when you are in the retreat reality. When you were in hospital before your death, you were walking through the tunnel at the bottom of the river. I saw you at these moments, either breaking in or smiling quietly without saying a word. I never ran before, but I watched happily and waited for you to disappear. I will continue to catch up slowly, but you know those good days have always been like I am ready to swallow regret medicine.
It was really a shining day. It was often a plane and a train, so I hurried to the gathering diner. How strange it was to say that we were reading poems in a smoky diner. Plath Bishop Frost, Rilke, so many good sentences from good poets, I only heard and read them for the first time through your recitation.
I’m a little ashamed. I’ve been writing and reading poetry for so many years, but it’s the first time that you have really exposed the poetry in my Fiona Fang steps. The poetry is not high, but it’s cooling the tables and burning the fire. You can reach out and see everything that can’t be simple, but it constitutes a moment of lion roar or a part of ecstasy. Even your silent female companion seems to be awakened by alcohol. When I die, I have to leave my body. Because white paper is the white flag they surrender.
At night, the snow fell and looked out through the greasy glass window of a small restaurant. A cat was curled up on the eaves, and a water vendor was wiping apples. Further away, the girl with frostbite in her hands was flirting, and the thief just succeeded in holding the pole and gasped in shock. This common sight made me think that poetry was growing. This is what I am most grateful for. Reciting the poem, you wake up, and the world is still facing disaster at the same time. Another part of everything is pestering me, but everything is ringing. I don’t blindly follow it, but I go straight and listen to those silent sounds and quiet shadows with humility.
How can I forget those little animals along the Yangtze River?
In winter, the trees on the riverbank have almost lost their leaf air, but the sunshine shines on the cold river. A few of us walked over to the riverbank and parked the barges. As you walked along, you bounced and danced. A walk in front of your house can also make you feel full of joy. Speaking of it, you really deserve to write so many fairy tales. In a short period of time, little things keep running to you from the dry bushes. They are turtledoves, squirrels, cocks and dogs. You should say hello and feed the food. Even a little gray mouse will bend down and look at it for a long time before you laugh.